As I shared in my previous post, my husband went into the hospital in January with a life-threatening condition and for the months that followed, my focus was almost entirely on him.

One of the things I wasn't expecting was how difficult it would be to focus on anything else. I couldn't settle into a book. Television and movies felt overwhelming, especially anything with serious plotlines or a lot of emotion. Even things I would normally enjoy felt like too much. Looking back, I think what I was searching for was a way to feel grounded. A way to create a sense of stability when so much felt out of my control.

What helped me, unexpectedly, was an embroidery kit my mom gave me for Christmas.

Most nights, I would get into bed around 8:30 or 9:00pm and embroider for a couple of hours. I'd never embroidered before, but there was something soothing about it. It was methodical. It required just enough attention to occupy my mind without overwhelming me. And little by little, something beautiful began to take shape beneath my hands and gave me a sense of accomplishment. As winter began to loosen its grip and the snow melted, the garden started waking up and my attention shifted from embroidered flowers to real ones.

Hellebores, cherry blossoms & muscari were the first to bloom in my garden

I've always found flower arranging to be meditative. There's something about gathering blossoms, noting color and texture, and creating something beautiful that quiets the noise in my mind. My first arrangement of the season came together in April. Then the peonies arrived. Then the roses. With each arrangement, I felt a little more like myself.

Peonies, clematis, bleeding hearts & more bloomed next 

What struck me is that both embroidery and flower arranging offered the same thing - they asked me to focus on what was directly in front of me. They allowed me to work with my hands. They gave me something beautiful to look at when life felt heavy. And they left me with the satisfaction of having made something.

then came the roses (& blueberries!)

I know other people find that feeling through painting, pottery, woodworking, knitting, baking, gardening, or cooking a meal for the people they love. I don't know that the activity itself is even the point. I think the point is making something.

To be clear, I'm very much writing this from the side of the mountain, not the top. But if you're reading this during a season when life feels difficult, when your energy is limited, or when things feel uncertain, I can tell you that doing something with no stakes that brought beauty and order into my life helped me.  And it might help you too.  

It doesn't have to be complicated. It could be a loaf of bread. A watercolor painting. A knitted scarf. A garden bed. A handwritten letter. A meal that nourishes your body. For me, it started with embroidered flowers and then became real ones.

In a season when so much felt beyond my control, creating something beautiful gave me a small sense of agency. It reminded me that even when life feels messy and uncertain, we can still bring something good into the world. 

And we can do that for ourselves - we don't need someone else to do it for us.

Sometimes, that's enough 💛.

P.S. Daniel is doing better and is on the mend!

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